So... I haven't posted on here for over a year and a half. Which, quite frankly, is shocking behaviour. I had a little browse over my past posts earlier and it reminded me of how much I used to love blogging, and how I very rarely get the chance to write my own opinions and thoughts anymore.
A lot has changed since December 2010, and yet at the same time it hasn't really. I have now moved into a gorgeous house in a less respectable area with 3 other girls - a good friend from uni, a good friend from home and a friend who moved into the flat in Clapham with me last year. We have a lot of fun... but you know how it is with 4 girls living and socialising together.
Unsurprisingly I'm still single, however I DID go on not one but two dates last week (they say men are like buses). Sadly date number one was a disaster and whilst date number two (which although was our first official date, could have been considered our third due to previous meetings) seemed to have potential, it has gone downhill since. To the point where there will be no further contact.
Whilst I'm not devastated that things didn't work out with either of them - besides the self-esteem nosedive of having someone tell you that he doesn't think you're a "match in the long term" - the temporary closeness was nice and you get that little bit of excitement that maybe this time you've met someone, regardless of your actual feelings for them. But onwards and upwards as they say... I guess I'll just have to wait for the next bus.
Three of my close friends are now married, which hasn't eased the marriage panic in any way (though I do love a wedding!). And again, whilst I don't want to be getting married any time soon, I kind of thought I'd be on the marriage track by around 28 and having kids at around 30, so I need to get a move on. I'm 24 now - say I'm with someone for two years before we get engaged, it then takes a year to plan the wedding, so really I need to meet my future husband by 25, which is only 6 months away. Must not start hyperventilating again...
Life doesn't follow a plan though, which I need to remember. I just need to wait for the right man to come along. However, I do not want to be leading the same lifestyle of going out with my friends every weekend and then lying hungover on the sofa with pizza and trashy TV the next day when I reach 30.
I don't want to wind up a spinster - or a Charlotte Lucas who marries just to not end up one. If anything I hope I'm an Anne Elliot who despite reaching the grand old age of 27 finally married the man of her dreams. My aunt recently passed away, and whilst she was leading a perfectly happy life and was loved by everyone, she never married or found someone to share her life with, which is sad. I just hope I don't share the same fate. I remain ever hopeful though and at 24 I don't think I need to call on Mr Collins just yet...
Friday, 31 August 2012
Thursday, 30 December 2010
"There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort..."
Isn't it strange how just going back to a place can bring back all the old feelings you used to have?
Despite having moved away and shrugging off all the worries I had before - about being single and being left behind - the moment I stepped foot back in my old town, it all came flooding back.
Having been gone for 2 months it seems that not a whole lot has changed, no suprises there then. Except that now even more people have partnered up, including someone I've been carrying a little torch for, even though it was obvious it was never going to happen. I'm pretty gutted. I'd like to think I'm like Anne Elliot and that her "we love longest, when all hope is gone" speech is really applicable to me, however it's certainly not love and I think it's more to do with the fact that I don't want to be alone more than anything else.
After a few weeks of looking forward to coming home for a few days, I wanted to jump back on a train as soon as I got here. Too soon I think, the old wounds of living here haven't yet healed and I still love London too much for home to compare.
Incidentally, a good friend of mine bought me Lauren Henderson's 'Jane Austen's Guide to Dating' for Christmas. Her exact words when I opened it and started gushing about how much I loved it were: "Now I don't know if I should really be encouraging you like this." She knows me too well, but she is the chief of smug couples what with being engaged and ridiculously happy so likes to give me pitying looks when I claim that I'll be bringing someone who is a cross between Darcy, Wentworth and Edward Cullen to the wedding. Honestly though, my world is so much better than the real world sometimes.
A few more days though and I can crawl back to the big smoke and enjoy my youth, while the boring old couples here get their early nights.
Despite having moved away and shrugging off all the worries I had before - about being single and being left behind - the moment I stepped foot back in my old town, it all came flooding back.
Having been gone for 2 months it seems that not a whole lot has changed, no suprises there then. Except that now even more people have partnered up, including someone I've been carrying a little torch for, even though it was obvious it was never going to happen. I'm pretty gutted. I'd like to think I'm like Anne Elliot and that her "we love longest, when all hope is gone" speech is really applicable to me, however it's certainly not love and I think it's more to do with the fact that I don't want to be alone more than anything else.
After a few weeks of looking forward to coming home for a few days, I wanted to jump back on a train as soon as I got here. Too soon I think, the old wounds of living here haven't yet healed and I still love London too much for home to compare.
Incidentally, a good friend of mine bought me Lauren Henderson's 'Jane Austen's Guide to Dating' for Christmas. Her exact words when I opened it and started gushing about how much I loved it were: "Now I don't know if I should really be encouraging you like this." She knows me too well, but she is the chief of smug couples what with being engaged and ridiculously happy so likes to give me pitying looks when I claim that I'll be bringing someone who is a cross between Darcy, Wentworth and Edward Cullen to the wedding. Honestly though, my world is so much better than the real world sometimes.
A few more days though and I can crawl back to the big smoke and enjoy my youth, while the boring old couples here get their early nights.
Saturday, 4 December 2010
I find myself... quite content with my situation Lizzy.
Well, it's been another 2 months since I last posted (I really need to blog more regularly!) moaning that my life was in pieces etc. and it couldn't be further from the truth now.
Quite literally, 2 hours after I posted the last blog I got two phone calls from companies inviting me in for interviews in London. I was so excited and knew that life was finally on the up. Two weeks later I had gotten myself a job and was moving right away. So here I am, in the big city and life is good.
I'm living in a nice area, I see my friends all the time and although it's not my dream job (but that could all be changing soon... watch this space), the people I work with are my kind of people. Obviously I'm still a spinster, but who has it all, hey?
So that's a little update on where I am at the moment...
I have to admit, my reading and general culture intake has gone down a lot since I moved and has been replaced with travelling across London and meeting friends for dinner/drinks, which for the time being I'm seeing as a good thing. I've always wanted to write a book and how could I ever do that without real life experience?
I do have to confess to something, and it really pains me to say it after being so adamant about it previously, but I kind of want a Kindle...
I know, I know. I've moaned about how it's wrong and that nothing beats a book and I really do still believe that. I would always prefer to be sitting with a book than reading words off a screen so impersonally BUT, practically, it's a lot easier to sit/stand on a packed tube with a small thin electronic device in your hand than a huge great paperback.
I don't even bother taking anything to read on the train with me at the moment, which is ridiculous. I love to read and travelling is the perfect time to read. So I'm seriously considering something of the Kindle/iPad variety. I'm thinking iPad as it's use ful for other things too whereas a Kindle is solely for reading. So I may just invest in one in the new year... Deep down I'm still so anti them though. Ah well.
Quite literally, 2 hours after I posted the last blog I got two phone calls from companies inviting me in for interviews in London. I was so excited and knew that life was finally on the up. Two weeks later I had gotten myself a job and was moving right away. So here I am, in the big city and life is good.
I'm living in a nice area, I see my friends all the time and although it's not my dream job (but that could all be changing soon... watch this space), the people I work with are my kind of people. Obviously I'm still a spinster, but who has it all, hey?
So that's a little update on where I am at the moment...
I have to admit, my reading and general culture intake has gone down a lot since I moved and has been replaced with travelling across London and meeting friends for dinner/drinks, which for the time being I'm seeing as a good thing. I've always wanted to write a book and how could I ever do that without real life experience?
I do have to confess to something, and it really pains me to say it after being so adamant about it previously, but I kind of want a Kindle...
I know, I know. I've moaned about how it's wrong and that nothing beats a book and I really do still believe that. I would always prefer to be sitting with a book than reading words off a screen so impersonally BUT, practically, it's a lot easier to sit/stand on a packed tube with a small thin electronic device in your hand than a huge great paperback.
I don't even bother taking anything to read on the train with me at the moment, which is ridiculous. I love to read and travelling is the perfect time to read. So I'm seriously considering something of the Kindle/iPad variety. I'm thinking iPad as it's use ful for other things too whereas a Kindle is solely for reading. So I may just invest in one in the new year... Deep down I'm still so anti them though. Ah well.
Monday, 4 October 2010
Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.
Why is it that when one part of your life seems just about to be right, the rest falls to pieces? I have been moaning for some time that "nothing ever goes right for me". I know I'm not the only person to have made this dramatic statement, but I genuinely think that.
Ever since finishing uni, I have been stuck living with my parents in a village in the middle of nowhere with a serious lack of public transport and due to my inability to pass a driving test, I've been immobile.
My love life - well, you all know how shambolic that is - has been non-existent for some time now, despite a brief flirtation that went absolutely nowhere. Jane Austen has ruined me for all mankind and I refuse to settle for someone I don't find attractive (which apparently makes me picky - I disagree!).
All of my friends are happily settled and seem to be more like early forties than early twenties. The weekend comes and I'm up for going out but no one else ever is... which leads to me being very lonely and bored and means another night in watching Bridget Jones with Ben & Jerry, the only men who are truly there for me.
After university I was unemployed for 4 months before finding a crappy job - but I was glad of the money and I loved the people I worked with, so not so bad. Plus, I have the lovely Cellardoor to keep my creativity alive. So this section of my life has been keeping me going. Working has meant I can buy stuff to make me happy and visit my non-boring friends.
So imagine how I felt last month when I got made redundant. Gutted. But I managed to put a positive spin on it. "Great," I thought. "Now I can finally move to London, I have nothing holding me back and I'll find another job in no time!" And that's exactly what I'm doing, I've managed to find myself a poky little room where the rent is pretty cheap and I'm so excited.
But almost a month after losing my job, I'm still jobless and with no sign of a job heading my way. I have enough money for one month's rent, but after that I'm screwed. I sit at home refreshing job sites over and over, hoping that the perfect job will crop up. I've applied for almost everything, and considering I now have a year's worth of experience at work, you'd think I'd be able to get another job doing exactly the same thing - but no. It's a low point when you find yourself applying to work in Santa's Grotto at Harrods.
But onwards and upwards I say. Despite being pretty low now, my life will be different as soon as I move away. I have some great friends in London who do actually venture outside, I'll be in the middle of everything so looking for jobs should be so much easier or someone even might spot my amazing writing abilities and offer me a great job and most of all, I'll finally not be living with my parents! What more could a girl want?
Ever since finishing uni, I have been stuck living with my parents in a village in the middle of nowhere with a serious lack of public transport and due to my inability to pass a driving test, I've been immobile.
My love life - well, you all know how shambolic that is - has been non-existent for some time now, despite a brief flirtation that went absolutely nowhere. Jane Austen has ruined me for all mankind and I refuse to settle for someone I don't find attractive (which apparently makes me picky - I disagree!).
All of my friends are happily settled and seem to be more like early forties than early twenties. The weekend comes and I'm up for going out but no one else ever is... which leads to me being very lonely and bored and means another night in watching Bridget Jones with Ben & Jerry, the only men who are truly there for me.
After university I was unemployed for 4 months before finding a crappy job - but I was glad of the money and I loved the people I worked with, so not so bad. Plus, I have the lovely Cellardoor to keep my creativity alive. So this section of my life has been keeping me going. Working has meant I can buy stuff to make me happy and visit my non-boring friends.
So imagine how I felt last month when I got made redundant. Gutted. But I managed to put a positive spin on it. "Great," I thought. "Now I can finally move to London, I have nothing holding me back and I'll find another job in no time!" And that's exactly what I'm doing, I've managed to find myself a poky little room where the rent is pretty cheap and I'm so excited.
But almost a month after losing my job, I'm still jobless and with no sign of a job heading my way. I have enough money for one month's rent, but after that I'm screwed. I sit at home refreshing job sites over and over, hoping that the perfect job will crop up. I've applied for almost everything, and considering I now have a year's worth of experience at work, you'd think I'd be able to get another job doing exactly the same thing - but no. It's a low point when you find yourself applying to work in Santa's Grotto at Harrods.
But onwards and upwards I say. Despite being pretty low now, my life will be different as soon as I move away. I have some great friends in London who do actually venture outside, I'll be in the middle of everything so looking for jobs should be so much easier or someone even might spot my amazing writing abilities and offer me a great job and most of all, I'll finally not be living with my parents! What more could a girl want?
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
There's a spinster in the making and no mistake.
I never thought that at my age I would feel like a spinster. But that is exactly what's happened.
All of my friends - OK, not all, but an alarming amount of them - are getting engaged, planning their weddings and moving in with their boyfriends. Not only am I not, but I don't even have a boyfriend. I'm terminally single.
Now, deep down I know that I am still far too young to get married, and why are so many people rushing anyway? But when you're sitting with your friends who are discussing their colour schemes, how they're having their hair, honeymoon destinations and first dances, it's hard not to get caught up in it.
I sit at home and find myself watching Four Weddings, Cherry Gets Married and my new fave Don't Tell The Bride, which 6 months ago I would have flicked straight past, but now it interests me. I sit there and watch it, saying to myself "oh no, my wedding dress isn't going to look like that!" and "oooh no, i wouldn't get married there!"
Because, that's right, I've gone mental and "planned" my dream wedding. I know what dress I want, where I want to get married and what time of year, how much it will all cost, my wedding menu, my bridesmaids and their dresses. All I really need now is a groom, and preferably one who's loaded if I actually want to pay for this wedding.
Now when my friends talk wedding plans, I interrupt with "ah they're nice, but I'm having organza rather than satin" whilst they smile confusedly at me. They don't understand!
The silly thing is that I don't even want to get married yet, I never pictured myself getting married until I was at least 28 and I'd been through the Wickhams and Willoughbys of the world. I think this whole chief bridesmaid thing is getting to me. I'll be glad when my best friend's wedding is over and I can go back to my own normal life... Back to going out whenever I want, drinking as much as I like and not having to worry about anyone else. Bliss!
All of my friends - OK, not all, but an alarming amount of them - are getting engaged, planning their weddings and moving in with their boyfriends. Not only am I not, but I don't even have a boyfriend. I'm terminally single.
Now, deep down I know that I am still far too young to get married, and why are so many people rushing anyway? But when you're sitting with your friends who are discussing their colour schemes, how they're having their hair, honeymoon destinations and first dances, it's hard not to get caught up in it.
I sit at home and find myself watching Four Weddings, Cherry Gets Married and my new fave Don't Tell The Bride, which 6 months ago I would have flicked straight past, but now it interests me. I sit there and watch it, saying to myself "oh no, my wedding dress isn't going to look like that!" and "oooh no, i wouldn't get married there!"
Because, that's right, I've gone mental and "planned" my dream wedding. I know what dress I want, where I want to get married and what time of year, how much it will all cost, my wedding menu, my bridesmaids and their dresses. All I really need now is a groom, and preferably one who's loaded if I actually want to pay for this wedding.
Now when my friends talk wedding plans, I interrupt with "ah they're nice, but I'm having organza rather than satin" whilst they smile confusedly at me. They don't understand!
The silly thing is that I don't even want to get married yet, I never pictured myself getting married until I was at least 28 and I'd been through the Wickhams and Willoughbys of the world. I think this whole chief bridesmaid thing is getting to me. I'll be glad when my best friend's wedding is over and I can go back to my own normal life... Back to going out whenever I want, drinking as much as I like and not having to worry about anyone else. Bliss!
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Sorry...
Well, I haven't posted here for a ridiculously long time now. My bad! My free time is open wide at the moment as I am currently between jobs, as it were. This means I can be better at blogging!
Have you seen the new issue of Cellardoor yet? It's definitely my favourite one so far. What do you guys think?
I'm off to go and live a little so that I actually have something to write about, but in the meantime have a little browse of the Autumn Emerging Talent Issue...
Have you seen the new issue of Cellardoor yet? It's definitely my favourite one so far. What do you guys think?
I'm off to go and live a little so that I actually have something to write about, but in the meantime have a little browse of the Autumn Emerging Talent Issue...
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
I have equipped myself properly for Bath already, you see...
I didn't think I could geek out on Jane Austen anymore - then I spent a weekend in Bath!
From the moment I got there (reading Persuasion on the train of course!), I imagined what Bath would have looked like to Jane Austen. Along the way from the train station to my hotel, I saw things that I had read about hundreds of times. From Cheap Street to the Pump Room, I could find references from Northanger Abbey and Persuasion everywhere.
I picked up a leaflet for the Jane Austen Centre, and saw that they were doing a Jane Austen walking tour. We got to walk around Bath city centre seeing places that Jane Austen herself lived in the few years that she was in Bath, and where her fictional characters resided and socialised. The Royal Crescent, The Circus and the Assembly Rooms are all so grand and exactly the kinds of places I imagine Anne Elliot and Catherine Morland wandering around.
After that we headed to the Jane Austen centre to listen to a little talk, take a look around the exhibition and then indulge in a cream tea in the Regency Tea Room, followed by an open top bus tour around the city.
I can honestly say that I have absorbed more knowledge this weekend than I have in a really long time, not only about Jane, but about Bath as a city. I've never really considered myself as someone who is interested in history, but I found it really interesting learning about how Bath grew from a small market town to one of the most fashionable cities.
When I wasn't being a geek, I was lying in the sun on the green in front of the Royal Crescent, daydreaming of finding my own Captain Wentworth or Henry Tilney...
From the moment I got there (reading Persuasion on the train of course!), I imagined what Bath would have looked like to Jane Austen. Along the way from the train station to my hotel, I saw things that I had read about hundreds of times. From Cheap Street to the Pump Room, I could find references from Northanger Abbey and Persuasion everywhere.
I picked up a leaflet for the Jane Austen Centre, and saw that they were doing a Jane Austen walking tour. We got to walk around Bath city centre seeing places that Jane Austen herself lived in the few years that she was in Bath, and where her fictional characters resided and socialised. The Royal Crescent, The Circus and the Assembly Rooms are all so grand and exactly the kinds of places I imagine Anne Elliot and Catherine Morland wandering around.
After that we headed to the Jane Austen centre to listen to a little talk, take a look around the exhibition and then indulge in a cream tea in the Regency Tea Room, followed by an open top bus tour around the city.
I can honestly say that I have absorbed more knowledge this weekend than I have in a really long time, not only about Jane, but about Bath as a city. I've never really considered myself as someone who is interested in history, but I found it really interesting learning about how Bath grew from a small market town to one of the most fashionable cities.
When I wasn't being a geek, I was lying in the sun on the green in front of the Royal Crescent, daydreaming of finding my own Captain Wentworth or Henry Tilney...
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