Friday, 31 August 2012

The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love

So... I haven't posted on here for over a year and a half. Which, quite frankly, is shocking behaviour. I had a little browse over my past posts earlier and it reminded me of how much I used to love blogging, and how I very rarely get the chance to write my own opinions and thoughts anymore.

A lot has changed since December 2010, and yet at the same time it hasn't really. I have now moved into a gorgeous house in a less respectable area with 3 other girls - a good friend from uni, a good friend from home and a friend who moved into the flat in Clapham with me last year. We have a lot of fun... but you know how it is with 4 girls living and socialising together.

Unsurprisingly I'm still single, however I DID go on not one but two dates last week (they say men are like buses). Sadly date number one was a disaster and whilst date number two (which although was our first official date, could have been considered our third due to previous meetings) seemed to have potential, it has gone downhill since. To the point where there will be no further contact.

Whilst I'm not devastated that things didn't work out with either of them - besides the self-esteem nosedive of having someone tell you that he doesn't think you're a "match in the long term" - the temporary closeness was nice and you get that little bit of excitement that maybe this time you've met someone, regardless of your actual feelings for them. But onwards and upwards as they say... I guess I'll just have to wait for the next bus.

Three of my close friends are now married, which hasn't eased the marriage panic in any way (though I do love a wedding!). And again, whilst I don't want to be getting married any time soon, I kind of thought I'd be on the marriage track by around 28 and having kids at around 30, so I need to get a move on. I'm 24 now - say I'm with someone for two years before we get engaged, it then takes a year to plan the wedding, so really I need to meet my future husband by 25, which is only 6 months away. Must not start hyperventilating again...

Life doesn't follow a plan though, which I need to remember. I just need to wait for the right man to come along. However, I do not want to be leading the same lifestyle of going out with my friends every weekend and then lying hungover on the sofa with pizza and trashy TV the next day when I reach 30.

I don't want to wind up a spinster - or a Charlotte Lucas who marries just to not end up one. If anything I hope I'm an Anne Elliot who despite reaching the grand old age of 27 finally married the man of her dreams. My aunt recently passed away, and whilst she was leading a perfectly happy life and was loved by everyone, she never married or found someone to share her life with, which is sad. I just hope I don't share the same fate. I remain ever hopeful though and at 24 I don't think I need to call on Mr Collins just yet...

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